What to Do to Protect Yourself Via Technology in a Divorce
Do not give in to the temptation of checking to see if an ex-partner is now using the internet. Resist the urge to check your computer to see if an ex-lover is now using the Internet.
The process of finding a spouse and announcing your relationship to the rest of the world can both be facilitated by the use of digital tools. So can be the divorce, though. From the ability to get divorced online to having an instant opportunity to stalk your ex. A family psychologist from OnlineDivorcer offered some guidance on how to cope with the digital aftermath of breaking up with a partner and getting divorced.
1. Don’t pick up the phone
Do your best to fight the temptation to check whether a former spouse is currently using the Internet. Facebook and Instagram make it effortless to monitor the lives of another person without attracting an excessive amount of focus to yourself in the process. Nevertheless, there is this.
This kind of stalking never has any positive results, but unfortunately, it is all too common in the world of the internet. Whether the relationship was sexual or platonic, it will only make you experience more anguish, more regret, and more yearning for the person you once were with. Any further involvement with the ex’s internet presence only helps to further muddy the waters and make things more complicated. You shouldn’t put yourself through any more anguish than is absolutely necessary.
2. Don’t let him (or her) in
When you’re in a committed marriage, every source of communication could look like the best option. Whether you use Facebook, Snapchat, WhatsApp, or Google, it has never been simpler to keep in touch with the person you share a significant other relationship with. But following a split, what steps should one do next? What about the passwords that you and a buddy used to exchange or the ones that you and your friend both kept in the bookmarks of your browsers? How straightforward would it be to gain access to your online accounts?
After you have signed all the legal divorce documents, you should exercise caution before granting too much access. There is a function that allows users of social media websites such as Facebook to log out of their sessions on specific devices. Google offers a universal logout option so that you can be certain that your Google account is not connected to any of the devices you have used in the past. You should probably think about changing your passwords or increasing the level of protection on your account. In addition, you have the option to turn off location alerts whenever you like.
3. Don’t be his (or her) friend
This is a really difficult problem to solve. Do I need to stop following my ex on all of the different social media platforms? It’s possible that cutting oneself off from someone you met online will make you feel cruel. Nevertheless, doing so is essential if you want to get over the breakup and learn to live your life in a way that is independent of the ex in both your online and offline environments.
If you would rather not cut these ties, you have a few options available to you that you can choose from. One possible approach is to compile a separate buddy list on Facebook specifically for the former. It will be as if nothing has happened; you and your friends will continue to communicate through the platform, but they won’t be able to view your posts unless you make them public or tag them in them. Even if you shouldn’t do it, it is possible for you to view their files.
4. If you are “surrounded” by them, you can’t forget about them
Facebook is the source of some of the information that we have. It alerts us to new postings from people it believes may be of interest to us, and it sends reminders of older posts that were very popular.
On the most inconvenient day possible, you will receive a notification about your ex’s behavior and recollections of the good times when the two of you were still together while you were still a pair. You have to move backward by two steps if you don’t want to get hit.
You should start by adjusting your settings on Facebook so that it is clear to the social network that you do not want it to recall specific people and dates. The second step is to adjust the settings for your news feed, and this step is only necessary if you are still friends with someone on Facebook. On the social network, there is a helpful function that enables you to prioritize the interactions you have with other users. To stop seeing the former’s or former’s updates in your feed, you can stop viewing those updates by unchecking the box next to their name on their profile.
5. He (or she) doesn’t love me anymore
If you have mentioned in your profile that you are currently in a committed relationship, such as a marriage or an engagement, you should most likely update your profile status to reflect this fact. You have the option of changing the status so that friends will not see the update in their feeds.
The use of social media to announce the breakup of a relationship is analogous to pulling off a band-aid. In other words, it might be painful, but you’ll only have to go through it once. However, upon receiving such news, one can be certain to receive many answers from those within one’s social circles. And if they aren’t up to speed on the proper etiquette for using social media, it’s possible that their thoughts on what happened may be widely shared. Make a plan for how you will break the news to your friends in person and stick to it.
6. Set new rules
If you and your significant other share living quarters, there is a good likelihood that you also share a variety of other accounts, from the power bill to online music streaming services such as Spotify. Due to the fact that these accounts are designed to serve the needs of a single person, they are frequently safeguarded by a password.
If you are using this account, you need to change your password as soon as possible. Make sure you have a written record of everything you’ll need (such as the name of the company that provides your power or the number of episodes of Game of Thrones you’ve seen) so that you won’t be caught off guard if your ex-spouse decides to change their password. You don’t want to be in that situation.
7. Write and reread
It’s possible that in order to garner positive attention, you might feel compelled to present yourself as someone who is happy and successful. You can have a fantastic time by exchanging joyful ideas and stories about your new friends with one another. If you want to show your former partner that you can be successful without them, by all means, demonstrate it to them.
It is important to keep in mind that if your close friends are aware of all of this, they are less likely to be there for you when you need them. They have no way of knowing how depressed you may be feeling; for all they know, you can already be having a good time and a pretty easy divorce experience.
If you put effort into using social media, you may ensure that it will continue to be beneficial to you after a breakup. Put an end to stalking your ex’s new partner and their new existence. Put it out there that you need some assistance from your friends. The good times have not yet stopped rolling.